George Drago sent this wonderful piece a while ago, but, considering the recurring upheaval in the Middle East, I thought you'd might like to see it again.
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events
in Libya and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be
raised yet again to "Irritated" or even
"A Bit Cross." The
English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level
was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed
Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the
last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to
"Hide." The only two
higher levels in France are "Collaborate"
and "Surrender." The
rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed
France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military
Posturing." Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change
Sides."
The Germans have increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in
Uniform and Sing Marching Songs."
They also have two higher levels: "Invade a
Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the
only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from
"No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend!" and "The barbie is
cancelled." So far no
situation has ever warranted use of the final
escalation level.
-- John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person
A final thought:
Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 401BC.